* Memories washed away together with the waves washing upon the shore *
This shell won't break.~ Water Nymph. Counter from 1st June 08
- Click on the words to open up the lost memories-
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
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Mood: ZZZZZZZZ, still on the grumpy side
Music of the day:
Cute Video:
*nose bleeds* *nose bleeds* *nose bleeds*
They are damn hot can? Especially Yunho's dance moves. And JaeJoong's voice *OMG*. I love them all, their dance moves and voices are so damn sexy. MUHAHAHA. YUNHO SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! If Yunho kiss he, I think I will faint... AHHHH *swoons*
But of course everyone knows how impossible that will be, and please la, even if he is standing right in front of me, he would rather kiss a lamp post. Duh! My existence=Everyon'es misery. How obvious is that? Yunho damn hot... *screams*
My idols:
- Light
- L
- Batman
- Yunho
- Jae Joong (I love his earrings) 
(change this to earrings and purrfect...)
Monday, February 26, 2007
>
Mood: Sad, sad, sad
Music of the day:
Translation for this song:
The wind is already cold and I can smell the nostalgice sky,
I've searching for you from the platform,
from here I can see the sea.
The surf board is out of season,
but inside it there has to be memory of that summer,
just like the sun is remembered.
Hey are you listening?
You said to me," Don't cry.",
neither of us said anything.
Our hands said it all as we waved goodbye,
I remember you fading into the sunset.
On the journey I hold your rusty guitar,
I grab that song in my heart,
but even now the days are still plain.
I pass the time at this place,
but I feel we're all living for someone.
The sun taught me that.
Hey are you listening?
You siad to me,"Don't cry.",
neither of us said anything.
Our hands said it all as we waved goodbye,
I remember you fading into the sunset.
Since then, I haven't changed but I have a little more confidence.
I bear my tears like I promised so,
I can be stronger than anyone else,
I won't say goodbye,
because if I close my eyes,
I can meet you directly.
I remember you.
Anyways, here is a beautiful video, before I start ranting. =)
Ok don't read this part if you hate depressing stuff, there I go:
I lost respect for the man I respected all my life. I totally lost respect for him, I lost respect for all men, because of him and Rick. I don't want to fall in love anymore, I don't want to love anyone anymore, guy or girl alike, I don't want to respect anyone anymore, I don't want to trust anymore. Why? WHY???? WHY DOES EVERYONE I LOVE, EVERYONE I TRUST DOES THAT TO ME???? HURT ME AGAIN AND AGAIN???? WHY??? WHY??? WHY??? How much hurt do I have to go throught before I can left alone? How much hurt must I go through before I can be loved?
Yesterday, I got scolded for no reason. Like wtf. For all I know, I never did anything wrong. I never did anything. Can I feel unwell? Can I feel uncomfortable? Why does all people who supposedly love me always scold me whenever I am sick? Why my dad? Why my mum? Why Rick broke up with me the first and second time when I fall sick? Is being sick that bad? Is it horrible? Why won't anyone just understand? Why won't anyone just understand? WHY????? IS IT THAT BAD? Or am I fated to be a lone tree, to be unloved? Why are the three, or maybe two people (my parents) who are supposedly to love me stopped loving me? Maybe they love me, but they are showing it in a way that it seems like they hate me. Maybe, I don't know. What people say about me, I start to hate myself, I start to hate my own personality. I wish I can kill myself because I am my own enemy I hate myself so much, but another part of me refuse to let myself inflict pain on myself. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself. I don't want to love anymore, i don't want to trust anymore. I don't want, I DON'T WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand, I really don't, am I that horrible? Am I that hateful? Am I? Am I? Am I?
I think I am, I wish someone can kill me...
Thanks for those who even talk to me, those who love me, can you stop doing that? STOP IT PLEASE! I suck, I am a bloody asshole who can make my parents and my own boyfriend to stop loving me. I am mean, mean, mean.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
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Mood: I give up as in totally I give up!
Music of the day: SHUT UP!
WHATEVER LA... I GIVE UP!!!! I WISH SOMEONE CAN MURDER ME NOW, MURDER ME, MURDER ME, LIGHTNING PLEASE STRIKE ME FOR GOODNESS SAKE. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE KILL ME!!!!!!!!! I AM TORTURING MYSELF AT THIS STAGE... JUST KILL ME, LET MY DEATH BE LIKE MAGGI MEE... PLEASE!!!!!!! I BEG SOMEONE, SOME PROFESSIONAL KILLER OR WHATEVER, KILL ME, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU TRIED YOUR BEST NOT TO SWITCH ON THE COMPUTER BUT STILL GOT REPRIMANDED FOR NOT STUDYING HARD? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOUR BF BREAKS OFF WITH YOU? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT SOMETIMES YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO BE THERE BUT THEY AREN'T? (NO SUWEI, NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, TALKING ABOUT ONE PARTICULAR PERSON) HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IF PEOPLE JUST SEEMED TO BE SQUEEZING ALL THE DAMN RESOURCES OUT OF YOU? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU GET HOME AND GET IGNORED? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT THAT WHEN THERE IS NO SHOULDER TO CRY ON? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO CRY EVERY NIGHT?
CALL ME CRYBABY, CALL ME WHATEVER YOU LIKE, CALL ME STUPID, IDIOT, WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. SERIOUSLY. WHO CARES?
Friday, February 23, 2007
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Mood: Happy
Music of the day:
I got the mflo bug... Their song is damn nice... Japanese and Korean rap is damn nice... Chinese rap?? Like sh*t... I mean they just rap and rap and rap, no music... Correct me if I am wrong... I like this, the beauty of it is in the rap but it has a melody to it... <3>
Today:
Physics:
Damn quiet... never talk...
Choices:
Time to polish up my shooting accuracy my dearest Yew Chen! If not how else can i get into my <3333333333333>
Maths:
I was suprisingly so attentive today... *claps claps*
After School:
Met Edison in school and he was late again... From returning one simple CD we kept talking and talking and talking la. Hahaha, then I kept talking about cars. Muhahaha, then after so many guys join us, then I cannot make out what they were talking about, so being nice, I kind of said I was busy and I went off... Lols, or I will probably end up like that day when daddy was talking about properties... Diao, so boring...
Ok, tuition:
Shhh... we went shopping on the net.
Dinner:
Went to hawker center to dine. SO long never eat in a hawker center, everytuime go to restaurants... Sian... But anyways, there is still CNY celebration "DIAO"... haha
And anyways, there was this ge tai singer so when she shook hands with me i was so shocked... You mean they were supposed to do that??? Ok nevermind... I did not know. And then there was this ugly "ji ko pek", who thinks he is damn handsome, and he danced with the lady, i pity her man... So ugly la, who wants to dance with him?
And the stupid SIM card broke down on me la! Thanks to Amelia who lent me her hp... then i could tell my mum my bloody SIM card spoiled...
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
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Mood: EMO-ing
Music of the day:
Now I know why I have been failing my maths:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070219/od_nm/math_anxiety_dc
Ok Why am I emo-ing today?
- I am annoyed with Mrs Yeo, Mrs Poon, Mum, myself, and I have my M... (note that it all starts with M)
Mrs Yeo:
Nothing much really, but our industrial papers????
Mrs Poon:
She scolded Liling a schizoprenic, I mean how could she? So what if LL is slow in literature? So what? Can be patient right? So impatient for what? If she is a good teacher, she would teach at least 10 times without grumbling. Other people are slow at other subjects, but the teacher never scold them names did they? And besides everyone has thier own flaws. LL is strong is maths and science. Her english is good too. If she doesn't score at humanities, she still have her maths and science, not like me right? If there is a real schizo, then it is me not LL, not anyone else.
Mum:
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Thanks to her, I am scared to sleep tonight....
Me:
I am annoyed with myself. Duh. I am so stupid. I can never understand add maths, never understand anything. I am so dumb. I don't know how come people can say themselves as smart or intelligent or call themselves pretty. I don't understand how people love themselves. I don't understand why I was born. I don't understand why is it that no matter how hard I study, I can never score. I don't understand why people can cope with break ups so easily. I don't understand why is it no one seems to understand how I feel. I don't understand why is it that everyone demand and demand and demand and demand, and when I asked them back for help, no help... I mean yeah, some do help, but sometimes I feel very, very tired giving and giving. I am annoyed with myself that I can scare HIM away. I am annoyed with myself for being such a spoiled child, for being such a spoiled daughter. I am annoyed with myself for not pushing myself harder. I am annoyed at myself for being such a glutton, such a sleepy head, can't I sleep lesser? So that I can study more? I hate myself, I hate myself. I hate myself for not even contacting my friends. You know what? Instead of celebrating my birthday this year, I shall spend it miserably for on 18th March 1991, it is where a bomb is dropped on this earth. This bomb is me. Thank you to the peopke who have put up with me, complaining and complaining and complaing, and my incessant annoying actions. thank you mum and dd for being so patient. Thank you to those who love me, like me, befriended me, thank you. Sorry for being so useless.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
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Mood: Eh, guilty?
Music of the day:
I love this song... from Hellsing... The show which I never watched for a long time. Anime music is still the best!
Boo! Ok I feel so guilty today. Why? Because my father almost bought that 100++ bag for me. But then in the end I was like" heck, get the cheaper one". Hahaha... Heck la... After all, the poor expensive bag will end up being chucked around... Whatever...
- My fitness level dropped tremendously.
- My arms hurt from kayaking.
- Kayaking is easy.
- I better not make my parnets disappointed. (they obviously are)
- I should stop being like a pig (ZZZZZZZZ)
Ok my schedule for the week:
Monday and Tuesday are gone..
Wednesday:
Test
Thurday:
Dunno.
Friday:
CHOICES!!!!
Tuiton
Saturday;
Flag day ( :'( i recall it is used to spend with him last time)
Sunday:
Should I go kayaking or hiking?
then have to get my add maths facts right again??? Better study faster... Oh and physics too... *faints*
Ok la, got to go now...
Monday, February 19, 2007
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Mood: Not very good, "Siand-ed"
Music of the day:Yeah I needed that... Wah lao... YunHo So handsome la! And with ChangMin kissing a Cat here, I wouldn't mind him being my husband! (from those quizzes0Sigh, very, very tired, I better finish up my homework before I go trekking tommorow. Siao ar, everyday eat, eat, eat, ang bao, ang bao, ang bao... Mad. Anyone can go crazy like that. Oh and fat too. Bluhh, and going to my relative's house is BORING, BORING, BORING! Damn tiring, have to entertain those little brats and talk and talk and talk. DIAO!!!!!! I mean Cindy is nice to talk to lah, Ball's mother too... and that tanned lady who loves animals and daddy but the rest is like err.... "haha, yeah yeah yeah". Feel like a total hypocrite. Gosh. Seriously, maybe Cindy is right, organise a chalet and get all the children there... EXCLUDE THE BLOODY ADULTS. They are the toxic that get all the children so cold together. Anyways, my new idols.... bloody smartarses... will show thier pictures before commenting then go off and do "jian bao". Siand-ed. 
Bloody smartasses... Do brain transplant leh... every subject also pass full marks! Crazy... I want to be like them <3!>
Saturday, February 17, 2007
>
Mood: Bad, really really bad.
Music of the day (watch the video):
I am reminded of you again.
"I dont think you are dealing well with the long distance relationship we are in. I try to tell you i care and love you yet u just keep putting urself down. You are a beautiful young woman and really too good for me. Thats the truth of the matter. I think you should take time and just concentrate on ur studies and not cry over me. Amber i wish the best for you. I hope you will make good decisions in ur life and may God watch over you. Take care. Rick"
I cannot bear with this anymore. I feel like I am going mad supressing and supressing and supressing everything in. I cannot share this with anyone else beacause I don't want to burden my friends with my stupid problems anymore. I feel like I can go mad any moment, cry and break down any moment and just cry and cry and cry and cry.
I wonder whatever you said there was it true or not. I wonder if it is true. I always wonder. If it is false, then I am stupid, then I am gullible. If it is true, then you are great, the greatest I ever known. My heart always break whenever I think of our converations. it always break. It never stops breaking. I never stop thinking. It is always on my mind, always hidden in my mind.
I wish I can be your arms one day,
I wish I can hug you, kiss you and embrace you.
I wish I can cry in your arms when I am sad,
laugh with you when I am happy.
I wish I can see you 10m away from me.
I wish I can receive an IM from you,
receive a "I love you" message.
I wish...
I still remember your favorite food,
your favorite sport,
your favorite hobby,
your favorite cartoon characters,
your sweet nothings to me.
I still remember...
I feel my heart crack in the middle of the night,
I unconciously cry in my sleep,
my heart aches at every thing that reminds me of you,
I delude myself that it is still strong just that you are sacrificing it for me, for us.
I don't know why I am doing this,
I am supposed to stay strong, forget you by a day,
pretend to be happy but I cannot.
The pain just sears through my heart,
I could feel my heart wrenching and wrenching and wrenching,
I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks,
there is nothing I can do...
nothing...
it feels so pain...
Friday, February 16, 2007
>
Mood: Skippety Skip skip...
Song of the day:
Needed something like that... =)
Today:
HALF DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HALF DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HALF DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU LOVE IT?????? LOVE IT BI*TCH... MUHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GUESS WAHT??????????? I BOUGHT YUI'S CD~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
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Mood: Major mood swing today (angry, pissed frustrated before school--> laughy during school time--> upset whilst going home)
Music of the day: I guess today I would post quite qa few pieces, given my major mood swing.
a ft. with m-flo, my favourite japanese rappers... I like the one world, one earth, one love at the end. It sounds just like a longer version of "peace on earth"
BoA - Key of Heart. I love this song. Yeah sounds familiar. I don't know where I heard this before. It sounds a bit sad yet a bit happy. You know I think this is the type opf songs that invokes happy memories that were in the past, but then you know that will never happen. I guess that is the sad part.
Sighh... this is the song that I hear during my first fight with Rick. It invokes all the sad feelings. I am somehow hurt. Hurt but not showing it. I don't know why. I admire Rainie Yang even though she is like act cute and everything like that but I mean at least she could put her feelings into this song. It is sad you know. Besides, i don't think Rainie is that act cute. I mean look at her eyes. I doubt she likes acting cute...
Today:
Morning:
I woke up grumpy, super grumpy... I went up the bus and I cannot find a seat. So I sat at the back, while walking, the bus jerked and I fell on an old man. As if I want to do it, he glared at me. Hello??? I don't want to fall on an old man. And eevryone else in the bus was sniggering. Not funny ok? And to that stupid NBorthlight Secondary School, whatever the school's name is, must he put his bag on the seat? Like wth. So inconsiderate. And as if I never said sorry or anything, I said sorry, I kept saying sorry and I STILL GOT GLARED AT!?! This is totally unfair. I did not do anything to deserve that al right??? Seriously, I think Singaporeans have very bad mannerisms, even the Reader's Digest post also said so. They don't help others open the door, they don't say "nevermind" after someone apologise profusely. They don't say 'thank you'. Like hello??? What kind of society is this? So what if it is rich? So what? The people here are unpleasant. I am not saying I am like Miss Courtesy or anything. But at least I bother to help people open the door (only to be called 'stupid' by my mum'), at least I bother to say "nevermind it is ok" after someone said sorry, at least I bother to say "thank you" when I get back my change or after purchasing something and the salesperson pass the thing to me. At least I bothered.
Add maths:
Screwed totally for my test.
Chinese:
While she was going through the passage, I felt like bursting into tears. The passage reminded me of Rick again. Of what he said to me previously. It really broke my heart. I really don't know why? Why can't I just forget him? 7 months only what, is it that difficult to forget about him?
Recess:
Touched frogs
Literature:
I was controlling my laughter.
After school:
I am kind of upset because LL had to take a test, another friend (not saying her name later she think I am petty) went off with the girl I don't really like, someone and I are avoiding each other. Yup I went home alone. Sigh... Just walking home alone, walking alone, walking.. walking.. walking...
Sometimes I just wish I am void of emotions...
Keep trying, never give up, I won't let my emotions get the better of me from now on.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
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Mood: Mood-less and I am HUNGRY!!! (yes even after that huge packet of fried bee hoon) Labels: V-day
Music of the day:
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
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Mood: A little agitated, a little tired, mainly HAPPY AND BUBBLY!
Music of the day:
Rolling Star... cause I am so vibrant today
Ok anyways, today started off pretty badly with liling and her PMS haha, but nevermind, my shitty jokes manage to cheer her up! MUHAHAHA...
Ok la, nothing much to blog today. Just that got to finish up assignment and study for lit. AISH! Tommorow is Valentine's Day and everyone is so excited about it, not me though... Not excited. In fact, pretty much ok I have no Valentine. I am spending it with my Diving Guide!
Monday, February 12, 2007
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Mood: Shitty, feaces mood (i mean the real feaces... HAHAHA) Just in cae you don't know, it means I am in a crazy, laughing mood...
Music of the day: The shit anthem (haha)... Yui's SKYLINE:
Super inspirational....
Ok this week, I will stop picking on FM2. Why? That is because we do not have Kao Cha this week, which is superb! Haha! Ok anyways, she is not that bad sometimes. Maybe it is just me.
Sigh, there are many things I miss a lot in my life like going out on Sundays, going to the movies, and so many other things like appreciating my friends not getting irritated easily. I miss my patient, nice self. I have become so selfish. I have become so mean. LAST OF ALL, I really miss trekking a lot, as well as archery.
Sigh.
Ok anyways, I am going mad today, all the talk about blending Shit and urine to make bubble tea. Seriously, what ever inspired me to say that? HAHA!
But anyways, I have been reading and reading my diving guide for Carribean! I AM GOING THERE!!
I want to fly well,
I want to fly well...
To skyline...
I shall thank:
(I told you music is my life)
DBSK
YUI
Yui Makino
BoA
Super Junior
for their lovely music...
Shu Ning, Liling, Suwei, Haniel, Kelvin, Mum, Dad, Teachers for being so patient...
to Rick: although I think of you often now, even after we broke off, certain stories i read, certain things you used to say, still touch me. i know I will never meet you. I know I will think lesser of you when time passes... In fact, my nightmare alone is nearly over. i am all right now... Thanks for your encouragement last time... Our break off, the last words you said to me, I won't let you down. I promise, I won't.
Myself... I shall not rot... i shall pick up my pace again...
I want to fly to skyline... fly and soar...
Saturday, February 10, 2007
>
Labels: Random-izationMood: ZZZZZZZZZ
Music of the day:
LORD OF THE RINGS SOUNDTRACKS:
Have not listened to this for such a long time. I love Lord of the Rings. And it has such a calming effect over me. Maybe I shou;ld go and buy Enya's CD tommorow. Good for ZZZZZZZZ. HAHA.
Ok like I finally upgraded to the New Blogger. Oh man... I heard that uploading skins will be difficult but no choice.... I was chased of the old blogger... Not that I really care in the first place. Haha, since my skin and everything is still there and the old blogger is pretty much a pain in the arse nowadays. Muhaha. I still have not uploaded the pictures "students with Mr Lee". And Terence Teo was being really nice to reveiw my photos. XD I want to win the competition. And for archery inter school. Gosh there are so many things to acheive. Shu Ning is my benchmark now. (You smarty pants) HAHA...
I realised that the poor is more charitable than the rich.
And to the Lady who carried the white LV bag: If your child grow up to be a rebellious one, blame it on yourself for slapping her, beating her when all she wants is something simple. DON'T ABUSE CHILDREN!
To the Lady who shouted so loudly at your husband: If your husband leaves you one day, blame it on yourself for screaming so loudly at him just because he did not know the way to Sentosa. Must you embarass him? *gosh women...*
Treasure your loved ones before they are gone... Treasure them... Why fight over insignificant things? Why do adults always act like they know everything but actually they are childish? Fighting over silly things... Gosh, even Rick and I don't fight over such silly things... but of course we are over.... and I am over it !
Besides today is good! The friend whom I thought had forgotten about my existence actually smiled and talked to me ! Yippee!
Heck here are the pictures:
Here is Mr Lee and Kelvin... *not interesting*
See not interesting... but at least he is willing to pose at the camera... *claps for Mr Lee*Here is Mr Lee and MEMEMEMEMEME!!!! Hehehehehe... I told Mr Lee to do the cheese sign... *11 claps for Mr Lee* 
Lucky for them (both Mr Lee and Kelvin), I am not a professional camwhore.... Muhahaha! Shall I train???
Friday, February 09, 2007
>
Mood: Tensed--> HAPPY!!!
Music:
Today:
- Had ARCHERY
I fall in love with this beautiful sport again. It is such a beautiful sport. I love archery!
- Last Year's Sec 4 getting their Results...
To Andy, Hayden, Afiq, Edison, and my lovely, lovely smarty Cousin LIM SHU NING (the greatest) YAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *claps claps claps*
- Now my turn to be stressed up.
Don't really feel like blogging today... ZZZZZZZZ.....
I know you let go of this relationship out of love for me, I know you are not replying out of love for me. You are the greatest. I wish I will meet you in future. Destiny had let us meet online. I hope for more. I am happy with this break off. For the last time, I love you...
Thursday, February 08, 2007
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Mood: TVfXQ-ish... AHHH I AM LONGING FOR JAEJOONG AND YUNHO!!!! *drools*
Music of the day:
Tonight by TVfXQ-- Video again... Cause THE GUYS ARE SO SUPER COOL!!!! Who is your favourite? Oh and Hero can hit so high pitch...
"this song makes you fall in love again"
And you know what??? Yunho looks so damn cute with his glasses on <3333 YUNHO!!!!
CUTE RIGHT???????? OH MY GOSH!!!!! *hyperventilates*
Today:
- Nothing much nothing much
- Lit test
- Add maths *die die die* I told that to Mr Lee too.
Met Mr Lee in the canteen
Me: Hello Mr Lee!
Mr Lee: Hey hello!
Me: *smiles*
Mr Lee: Oh yeah you look so much more cheerful
Me: Cheerful?!? (-__________-')
Mr Lee: Maybe because Mr Lee sledom see you that is why....
Me: Haha *dont know what to say*
Tommorow:
ARCHERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOTS!!!! AFTER PHYSICS!!!! <333333333
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
>
Mood: Not much of a feeling.
Music: (I will show videos)
Ayumi Hamasaki- JEWEL Super touching... For Rick.
Come on la... Admit it she got good vocals.
For meself!!!! I LOVE HER SONGS!!! FEEL SO RELAXED AND HAPPY NOW!
Guess what? I have gotten over him. I will be strong. =)
Monday, February 05, 2007
>
Mood: *WAILS*
Song:
This song is the song we shared together... I think I will not have th courage to face up to the music anymore... I will not have the courage to listen to this song... because tears will just flow out
This post is dedicted to Rick:
Thank you for all the happy times. I have never regretted a single minute with you. Even when we fight, and after we make up, it gets sweeter, it gets stronger. I want you. Maybe I am too irritating. I feel like a weed sometimes. But to you (as u said it) I am too good for you. I never felt that way... I feel the opposite. I want this relationship to be forever. It never fail to fill my life with colors even if it is just online. I thank you, thank you for all the happy times. Thank you for caring, thank you for loving, spending time with me.
I will be strong. Be strong for you. Be strong for myself. I will not cry. I will not.
Our bond was so strong. Our bond was so super strong. I could feel what you are feeling despite our distance. I could feel that sadness, that heartbroken-ess at that very time you sent the message. It was not a delusion. I felt it, i felt like crying. I thought I was being emotional again, but when I calculated the time when you send me the message. It was the time I felt it. I felt it... It proves that our love was already on a different dimension. I know I sound deluded, but it's true. I feel that sadness, my tears were stuck, they could not come out, but it came flowing out after that. It's a pity it came all crashing down on me... My dreams were crushed... My dreams with you.
I don't want you to go... I don't want you to leave... I don't want, I don't want. I want you. I need you. Don't leave me anymore. Don't, don't be so cruel. Don't....
I will miss you forever, you will not be forgotten... you won't.... you will remain in my heart forever.
I don't know if you can feel my heartbreak from afar now... For all I know, you may be enjoying yourself, crying or sleeping. Whatever it is, I hope you can feel my love, feel my sadness...
This is the song for you... my feelings... to you...
For the last time: I love you...
Amber.
To those who have always been supporting me: Thank you... Thanks a lot....
Saturday, February 03, 2007
>
Mood: neutral... acid, then neutralised by alkaline
Song: (video again)
SM town-HOtmail
Who cares about boy friends when you have best friends?
Friday, February 02, 2007
>
Mood: Upset, plain upset...
Music of the day: (I will put a video instead)
For you people to sing to me while throwing rotten eggs.
To you, rick... you really, really broke my heart when I read your IM you. Even though I acted like it was nothing. I am hurt. DEEPLY.Very DEEPLY.
Nevermind. I will talk about today.
Last night:
-Cried myself to sleep again.
Today:
- Physics. Su Wei and I weren't really talking because I was kind of tired. So was she. We were both stoning. Anyways, the electrostatic thing was really fun. Made my hour.
- Miss Teo came in to relief us again. We did composition AGAIN!
- When Miss Karen Wong asked me to answer her question, Royce suddenly shouted and said:" You are a loser." Sure, I am but SO? Don't borrow a hole puncher or don't ask me any questions since I am a loser. A loser is an outcaste you know.
- FM2 sucks as usual.
- Maths. I told Miss Tan about my SUPER bad probablity test because I was sick that day. She forgave me. Royce sniggered when she asked me to answer her question.
- FM2 sucks. She had to tell he whole frigging class I wrote my date as month, date, year. Whatever. I like following the american system. Not funny. So if you go to America, you are going to laugh at everyone is it? Haha, you will gbe laughed at. (to those who laughed super hard, what so funny?)
- Tuition was super boring.
- Bought clothes after that. My mum had finally agreed that I can wear boy's clothes. YAYS! Not my fault if my muscles on my arms never go away. Seriously. MUSCLES NOT FAT!
- Came back home finding out Rick had got off (as in you know..)with another girl not long ago. I am hurt. What to do? Who will love a loser like me? Break off lor. After all, I will probably end up as an old hagf. As if I care.
Whatever. Social outcast then social outcast, who cares?
To those who care: Haniel, Kelvin, Andy, Suwei, Liling, Su Xiang.... YUP THANKS!!!
This picture is for you rick... for you, for us...
Thursday, February 01, 2007
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Mood: Puzzled, confused, upset, slightly pissed, stressed
Music of the day:
Today I shall write my stuff in point form. I don't want to elaborate that much. I am very, very tired.
What happened yesterday:
- Read his messages
- Waited on like a total idiot
- Wait, wait, wait.
- For once, I never cried myself to sleep.
What happened today:
- Reached school, slept on the desk.
- Copied Add Maths from LL (thanks ar)
- Miss Kristin Teo came into our class chinese. She rocks. Same class as Felicia Chin. Wow. And Miss Karen Wong is 4 years her senior in TKGS.
- Recess got caught because my blouse side came off, not that I noticed it. It was not even a single bit obvious. I hate looking like a nerd.
- Got scolded by Mr Rizal. My fault (I admit), still feeling guilty about it. What is my problem? I should stop feeling so guilty.
- Watched Video for literature. Yucks. Lady Macbeth is so gross. She looks like she is masturbating on the bed when she said that "Come to my woman's breasts". I am afraid I fail for literature next week. I shall study hard. I MUST NOT DROP ADD MATHS OR LITERATURE. But somehow, when watching the video, I felt the same kind of pain searing through my whole body. The sort of heartbroken pain. The sort that sears through your whole body and makes you want to cry and cry and cry...
- Maths test. As usual. Sucky.
- Went to Parkway. Yes boring, but had a nice time lauging at stupid toys. HAHA.
- Home. Blogging now. He never replied.
- Planning to geography homework and Add maths homework.
Tommorow:
- No tests tommorow! Say YAYS!
- Not looking foward to PE tommorow. Feeling so tired.Poem of PainI just feel trapped in this dark, lonely world.The same feeling as walking that unlit road forever.I feel that pain seared through my body. That hateful, painful feeling.The cold wind blows, blows, blows.My hair follows its direction.The hair on my neck and hands stand.The same searing pain again, spreading over my body.It is not bodyache. It is heartache.Pain. Pain. Pain.I never knew it will be so pain.So pain I shivered, so pain I had to stop to cry, so pain, just so pain.The betrayals, the wind blowing all the hate of the world,all discarded towards me.All directed at a sad, lonely, heartbroken person like me.All directed at a sad, heartbroken people around the world.Betrayed by friends, waiting for someone to come back, guilt, failing, scoldingsWaiting just waiting. Waiting for someone to care.Waiting for someone to love.Waiting like a cold, abandoned puppy.Waiting, just waiting.Supressing all the pain, supressing all the feelings,bottling them up, store, store, store.Store and store and store.Just storing, just storing.Nothing will be wrong.No one will be hurt. No one. No one at all.But myself. Just myself. Just myself.Because I seen so much betrayals,so much hurt in the world.Hurting someone feels so bad...making the person cry, cry, cry.I will cry for myself,in a corner,until I can supress no more,until I can't,until that day comes.The day where I will go mad.
